If a priest preaches over 10 minutes, he's long-winded.
If his sermon is short, he didn't prepare it.
If the parish funds are high, he's a businessman.
If he mentions money, he's money mad.
If he visits his parishioners, he's nosy.
If he doesn't, he's being snobbish.
If he has fairs and bazaars, he's bleeding the people.
If he doesn't there isn't any life in the parish.
If he takes time in confession to help and advise sinners, he takes too
long.
If he doesn't, he doesn't care.
If he celebrates liturgy in a quiet voice, he's a bore.
If he puts feeling into it, he's an actor.
If he starts late, he's holding up the people.
If he tries to lead the people in music, he's showing off.
If he doesn't, he doesn't care what Mass is like.
If he decorates the church, he's wasting money.
If he doesn't, he's letting it run down.
If he's young, he's not experienced.
If he's old, he ought to retire.
If he dies, there was nobody like him and there will never be his equal
again.