Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering
what to do next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself,
my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
Saddam paused, "I must tell you Paddy, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra," said Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two farm tractors, a bulldozer, and Murphy's combine."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 4,000
armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy again called the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified
Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns and four boys from the
Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser guided, surface-to-air
missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increase my army to
two million!"
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top O' the mornin, Mr.
Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have decided to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well,' said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and we
decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."