· A bicycle can't stand alone, because it is two-tired.
· What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
· Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
· A backward poet writes inverse.
· In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your Count that votes.
· She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
· A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
· If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
· With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
· Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A flat minor.
· When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
· The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
· A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum blownapart.
· You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
· He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
· Every calendar's days are numbered.
· A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
· A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
· He had a photographic memory, which never developed.
· A plateau is a high form of flattery.
· The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
· When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
· Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
· When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
· Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
· Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
· Acupuncture is a jab well done.
· Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.