The Final Word
The sermon went on and on. Finally the minister paused, then asked, "What more can I say?"
From back of the church a voice was heard to say, "Amen."
Subtle Hint
Seamus had overstayed his welcome at this girlfriend's house.
"You'd better leave now," she said. "My father has a habit of
taking things apart to see why they won't go."
St. Peter
Paddy Irishman died and went up to heaven where St. Peter greeted him.
"And who are you?" asked St. Peter.
"My name is Peter O'Toole"
"And what did you do for a living?" asked St. Peter.
"I was unemployed"
"Unemployed hmmm?" mused St. Peter. "And have you ever done anything good in your life?"
"As a matter of fact I have. I was walking along the street once and I saw a group of bikers who were threatening to beat up a defenseless girl. So I rushed to her rescue, pulled the ringleader off by his hair, kicked him hard and told him and his gang to clear off."
"That's highly commendable," said St. Peter, flicking through the man's file, "but I don't see any record of this incident. When did it happen?"
"About five minutes ago"
Accident Intervention
A rabbi and a Irish priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."
The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest.
The priest agrees, takes a few big Irish-style swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.
The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The rabbi replies, "No… I think I'll wait for the police."