Thanks
for Flying with ...An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy, which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment, but no one seemed annoyed.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old lady walking with a cane. She approached and asked, conspiratorially, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no Ma'am, what is it?"
"Did we land or were we shot down?”
Golf
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.
Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
"I wish I could play my normal game...just once."
"Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls"
If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely
make a perfect shot.
The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."
A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers neither
of whom can putt very well.
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
If your best shots are the practice swing and the “gimme putt,” you might wish to reconsider this game.
Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can
finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.
Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work.
and both are expensive.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers... they
shoot a six, yell fore and write five.
If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than
you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf... it is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.
"The greatest sound in golf is the Woosh, Woosh, Woosh of your opponent's club as he hurls it across the fairway"
